I unfollowed everyone on Instagram.




Then I manually removed over 7,000 followers. 


Before that, I had just changed my number and ghosted my family and friends so I could start a new life. 


Quite naturally, what felt like a rather big deal for me also deeply impacted the people around me. 


But when you're in the eye of the hurricane, you don't realize just how important you really are to other people. 


Though you kind of do... 


Because if not, you wouldn't weaponize your presence as much as you do. 


Or as much as I did... 


(And still do, to be fair). 


In those days, it felt most fulfilling to make the really selfish decision. At the time, this was represented by my desire to no longer be relied upon by anyone. 


I didn't want to be of service to anyone anymore, and it didn't go unnoticed. 


Days and weeks and even months after my disappearance, I was receiving emails and messages asking me, or the people around me—the people who may have some semblance of contact with me still—if I was OK; if by some terrible stroke of luck, I had been kidnapped!


People thought I was missing. 


In a way, I was. 


I didn't realize it yet, but that part of me was dying.


And I was the one doing the killing. 


In retrospect, I now know a huge motivator of mine was this heightened desire for privacy. I could see that if I were to continue on the road I was going on, I was going to fall off a cliff and I didn't want my over 7,000 Instagram followers to serve witness to that, or to come along with me. 


So I made the selfish decision to protect myself from that. 


Being selfish isn't necessarily a bad thing, BTW. 


In fact, I am the most selfish I've ever been and also 


the most happiest, 


the most authentic, 


the most real. 


And it has its consequences. 


For me, this means no longer caring about performing or playing the game. 


It's quite interesting how people will react to you when you stop playing the game. When I first unfollowed everyone on Instagram, for example, one-by-one I began to have these interactions with people who found my decision to be quite rude. 


Do you think you're better than me? 


I'm not your fan. 


I wanted them to know I was no longer their friend.


It's in those conversations where I realized those people were making a distinction between a follower and a fan. 


Today, we speak about followers and fans so flippantly, but another place in which the word "follower" shows up quite often is the Bible, particularly in the New Testament and starting with The Book of Matthew. Jesus is able to amass these disciples, these followers, who not only receive his teachings; are not only beneficiaries of his atonement and his blessings; but are also witnesses to the sacrifices and the consequences of said anointment; of said blessings from God. 


I wasn't ready for people to serve witness to me. 


In my attachment to my ego, I did everything I could to shield myself from being transformed through the act of being witnessed. 


Though, I don't regret my decision. 


I had wanted thousands of followers since I was a teen. When I finally amassed over 7,000 followers on Instagram, it happened in a very fantastical way. 


I was featured on a live stream—her first ever lifestream—with Natalie Portman, an American actress who interviewed me about the state of civil rights in America. 


Because she had a strong connection to her audience, so many people came flooding to my page. By virtue of them following Natalie Portman, they then decided to follow me. 

Though it was really cool to be on the other side; to be experiencing that influx of notifications and understanding what it meant to be a widely followed account, those people were not my people; they were not the people I wished to be followed by. 


In this world of fans and followers, there isn't much conversation about leaders consenting to who gets to follow them. 


In a big—and very selfish—way, that is why I'm creating Dirty Girl. 


I wish to have more of a say in who is following me; who is allowed to feel the intimacy of knowing me; experiencing my art; receiving my teachings; and of having the great gift of transformation. 


Of course, however, transformation is available to everyone. It's free. 


But I know most people won't seek transformation themselves, just like I know most people would struggle to remove over 7,000 Instagram followers, especially in a society where social capital serves as the placebo for financial wealth.. 


Though there will be many people who claim the identity of Dirty Girl, only a few shall reap the benefits of this identity marker. Just like there were many people who claimed to have seen Jesus; who claimed to have touched Jesus; who claimed to have been in the presence of Jesus, only 12 had the privilege of being in his presence; receiving his teachings; and enjoying the intimacy of his being.


Even then, he was still betrayed. 


When I was removing myself from the mainstream, I would look around and had no idea who I could trust. I had also felt the sting of betrayal. And I was beginning to wonder why I wasn't protecting myself enough. 


I first had to recognize that I was worthy of being protected. 


And I feel safer when I don't have to look back to make sure my followers are keeping up.


January 26, 2025

I ghosted my friends and family to start a new life.




And it's the best decision I've ever made. 


Almost two years ago to this date, I was in St Thomas just as I am now. 


It was here, and it was in that time, that I was learning how to be a Dirty Girl. 


Though I had already made one of the first mistakes that Dirty Girls often make, which is thinking we've already figured it out; that because we understand the meaning of Dirty Girl, we are then able to claim the identity. 


But Dirty Girl is not merely an identity. 


Dirty Girl is not merely a flag that you get to wave. 


Dirty Girl is a way of seeing.


Dirty Girl is a way of being. 


In St Thomas, life moves slow. Here, you can really hear God; you can really see God; you can really feel God. I learned how little matters; how not to care; how not to put so much importance on things that are actually so small in the grand scheme of things. 


It was was here I thought that I was receiving a green light on my entrepreneurship journey. So I left St Thomas with this reignited fever about scaling Dirty Girl. I spent so much time thinking about all these gimmicks and theatrics that could attract people to Dirty Girl. 


In retrospect, it's no wonder I burned myself out immediately after leaving. I left St Thomas in February and by March, I was done; I didn't want to do it anymore. So I made the decision to change my number and leave everything behind; to leave everyone behind that I had known. 


What I really wanted most was to leave my life behind. 


That's the thing about being a Dirty Girl: Making the commitment to transform your life means you're waving goodbye to who you were because who you were is no longer Who You Are. 


These principles; this idea of transformation; this idea of becoming anew are principles originating in the Bible. I had no idea that as I was exploring this idea of transformation; this idea of dying and being born again, that I was repeating all that is already found in the Bible. 


This idea of merely being reflections of the world that we live in are themes explored by all mankind at different times, at different moments. And here I am, having received the Baton and adding on to the story. 


When I made a decision to cut off all my friends and family, and to cut off myself to my old life and begin anew, what I found in the quiet; what I found at Rock Bottom was God. 


God is the one orchestrating my life. 


God is the one writing the story.


God writes it all so beautifully that it feels like science fiction; it feels like a fairy tale. 


Though I can't tell this story as well as God, what I hope to illuminate for this movement; for Dirty Girl, is what I found in those dark, desolate places. 


What I realized is that those dark, desolate places were not so dark and desolate after all. Through the crevices, light came through and there was God.


Dirty Girl is a Christian Movement. 


Dirty Girl is a Godly Movement. 


WeKnowGodWorldwide® means: Wherever you are; no matter what's going on; no matter who's leading the way, you know God. 


If you're committed to being on this journey; to being a Dirty Girl; to starting your life anew, you must know that your old life can't come with you. You must do the necessary shedding, whatever that means to you. 


For me, it meant that I had to say goodbye to mostly everyone I knew; I had to change my number. 


The solution was quite simple; though all I had to do was call up my my phone service and tell them I wanted to change my number, the weight of the decision felt so heavy that it took me so long to do what my soul had been longing for; it took so long to make a change that once was made, opened doors I never thought I would walk through. 


So the question is... 


What are you willing to shed yourself of? 


What must die in order to be born again? 


Today at church, the Pastor said we can't lean on government to make the changes we wish to see; the change we seek has to be internal in all of us. 


I created Dirty Girl to address the dire need for that internal change; that commitment to being different; to being better than what the world has reflected back onto us. 


In the wake of this new world...


Who will I be?


Who will you be? 


Who will we be together? 


These are the questions a Dity Girl concerns herself with. 


I hope you understand the gravity of what it means to be about this life; this way of seeing things; this way of feeling things; this way of doing things. 


Even if it doesn't make sense yet, that feeling that's coursing through your veins right now... 


Why do you feel drawn to this movement? 


Why, even in all your confusion, do you feel excited? 


You want to know more. 


I hope you're looking forward to showing me how Dirty you can get; how committed you are to transformation; how committed you are to being a part of this new world; to designing this new world. 


Crafting this new world is going to require a different type of heart; a different type of protocol. 


I'm ready and I'm committed because I know what I had to give up 


in order to have this life; 


in order to see this clearly; 


in order to feel this deeply.


The price of Entry is a heavy one, but it's a Godly one. 


It's priceless.


January 5, 2025